Trudeau, Grégoire to take family vacation despite separation: What are the benefits?

Following their decision to separate on Wednesday, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and his wife of 18 years, Sophie Grégoire, will be taking a family vacation next week.

It's a decision that shows the former couple are prioritizing their children's well-being, according to a sexuality, marriage and family studies expert.

"They are demonstrating that they can still be a family even if the parents are no longer married," Denise Whitehead, an associate professor at St. Jerome's University in Waterloo, Ont., told Yahoo Canada.

"Unless the parents are openly hostile with each other and fighting in front of the children, a family vacation soon after separation bodes well for parents who understand that they will be forever linked through their children."

Trudeau and Grégoire, who married in May 2005, share three children together: Xavier, Ella-Grace and Hadrien.

"Looking ahead to the future, you want separated parents who are able to share time together with their children for holidays, special events like graduations and weddings and even vacations," said Whitehead.

Whitehead said that many people believe that parents who have separated are hostile and angry, and that they can't share time together.

But that's not always the case.

"For many marriages, there is often a long period of unhappiness that sets in long before the decision is made to separate," said Whitehead. "For some couples, by the time they announce the separation, they have already done a lot of work about what their new future apart will look like."

Open communication is key

Whitehead said it's not the act of separation so much that has a negative impact on children. What's key to the children's well-being is how parents behave afterwards.

In a statement shared to social media on Wednesday, Trudeau said that he and his wife "remain a close family with deep love and respect for each other and for everything we have built and will continue to build."

Whitehead said it's that kind of language that two people who are separating ought to use and it shows that both want to be "very collaborative, which means they want to co-parent and they want to talk about each other positively."

"Those children who are most negatively impacted by a separation are those when the parents are in high conflict and they're putting their children in the middle."

She said healthy and open communication, along with cooperation between both parents as well as their children, is what comes down to heaving a peaceful separation process.

"It's very important that the parents use age-appropriate language in terms of conveying what the children need to know about the separation without sharing with the children any of the blaming between the parents," she said.

Whitehead also went on to say that children don't need to hear about why their parents are separating. However, they need to talk about topics like living situations and plans for school.

"For children, that's often the most important thing. ... Children often need as much stability in their life as possible," Whitehead said.

A collaborative process

The Prime Minister's office said in a statement to People that "Sophie and the Prime Minister are focused on raising their kids in a safe, loving and collaborative environment."

The statement added that the couple have "signed a legal separation agreement" and "have worked to ensure that all legal and ethical steps with regards to their decision to separate have been taken, and will continue to do so moving forward."

When people like Trudeau and his wife choose a process such as collaborative practice or family mediation, a Charlottetown-based family lawyer and mediator said they get a confidential and helpful approach to their separation.

"Collaborative lawyers can work with family therapists and financial professionals in a team to support a family to make really good decisions that offer the best outcome for every member of the family," Jacinta Gallant told Yahoo Canada.

Eight years ago, Gallant said she completely stopped going to court because most people are terrified of dealing with divorce court.

"Most people want something like I've just described. ... Sadly, it's not the mainstream choice yet. (Collaborative practice) is available all across the country," Gallant said. "There are lawyers trained to work collaboratively in every province and territory who are able to help adapt a process to meet each family's needs."

Gallant explained that some families may need a child specialist during the separation process if they can't figure things out with their kids. Others might be struggling with making decisions about money and need a different kind of specialist.

"The idea in a collaborative process is to build a professional team around what the family needs," she said. "It's not a one size fits all."

Gallant said that when two people focus on the healthiest outcome for their children and get the right help, they can achieve a settlement, even if they're feeling resentful or betrayed.

"People separate amicably all the time. ... It's just that we only hear about the fights," she said.

Whitehead said Trudeau and Sophie's separation shows how working under a collaborative plan and not being in conflict benefits children now and in the long-term.

"Everything they're saying in their public statements suggests that they're working really hard to implement all of these things and I think they should be given that credit," said Whitehead.

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