Opening up during the fifth episode of her ITVBe documentary series Kelsey Parker: Life After Tom on Thursday, she said the trauma she experienced both while Tom was sick and since his death was unimaginable.
Tom Parker and his wife Kelsey (PA)
Describing how she feels when people ask how she’s coping, she said: “Of course I’m not okay, I’m never going to be the Kelsey I was two years ago and that’s just it.”
Adding: “The trauma I’ve suffered is beyond anything anyone could imagine.”
Kelsey - who shared children Aurelia, three, and Bodhi, two with Tom - also spoke about grieving for the life she believed she had lost.
Kelsey Parker has also found herself grieving for the life she believes she has lost (ITV)
During a therapy session on the programme, she said how she and Tom would often look at older couples and talk about how one day that would be them.
She said: “All I wanted was to be with Tom, grow old together, sitting on a bench eating bread rolls.
“When we’d go out we’d be like ‘that will be us eating fish and chips on a bench’.
Tom Parker Funeral
Tom Parker funeral: Liam Payne at the funeral of The Wanted star Tom Parker at St Francis of Assisi church in Queensway, Petts Wood (PA)
Tom Parker funeral: Max George (left) and Jay McGuiness of The Wanted (centre) carry the coffin at the funeral of their bandmate Tom Parker at St Francis of Assisi church in Queensway, Petts Wood (PA)
Tom Parker funeral: Max George (left) and Jay McGuiness of The Wanted (centre) carry the coffin at the funeral of their bandmate Tom Parker (PA)
Tom Parker funeral: The members of The Wanted Nathan SYkes (second left), Max George (centre) and Siva Kaneswaran (third right) arrive for the funeral of The Wanted star Tom Parker in Queensway, Petts Wood (PA)
Tom Parker funeral: The members of The Wanted (left to right) Max George, Jay McGuiness and Siva Kaneswaran arrive for the funeral of The Wanted star Tom Parker in Queensway, Petts Wood (PA)
Tom Parker funeral: A floral tribute is carried into St Francis of Assisi church ahead of the funeral of The Wanted star Tom Parker in Queensway, Petts Wood (PA)
Wife of Tom Parker, Kelsey Parker (C), follows a horse-drawn hearse during a procession through Orpington (Getty Images)
Fans Mourn As The Wanted Star Tom Parker Laid To Rest: A horse-drawn hearse leads a procession through Orpington before a funeral service for Tom Parker at St Francis of Assisi church on April 20, 2022 in Orpington (Getty Images)
Tom Parker funeral: Mourners outside St Francis of Assisi church ahead of the funeral of The Wanted star Tom Parker in Queensway, Petts Wood (PA)
Tom Parker funeral: Mourners watch as the coffin of The Wanted star Tom Parker (PA)
The coffin of The Wanted star Tom Parker is carried ahead of his funeral in Queensway, Petts Wood, in south-east London, following his death at the age of 33 last month (PA)
“This isn’t what I thought my life was going to be and that upsets me because I wanted that so much.
“This is my - not new life - but this is my life and I’m getting on with it.”
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