After Stanford soccer player Katie Meyer's suicide, her parents aim to help other students
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NEWBURY PARK, Calif. – A trip to a soccer field here last week triggered memories and tears from the parents of Katie Meyer, the former goalkeeper for the Stanford women’s soccer team.
Katie’s father, Steve, walked to a sycamore tree and showed where he carved 19, his daughter’s old jersey number.
Katie’s mother, Gina, spread photos of her daughter on a picnic table and held up the red jersey Katie wore when she helped Stanford win the 2019 NCAA championship.
Together at the soccer field at Borchard Community Park, near their home in Southern California and where Katie trained hundreds of times, Gina and Steve Meyer talked about the pride, love and pain they feel for their daughter.
She was a team captain, a fiery competitor and, in the end, something of an enigma.
More than seven months after Katie died by suicide at 22, much remains a mystery.
The day before Katie took her life, her parents say, she was upbeat and making plans for spring break. As for the tragic turn of events, Gina and Steve Meyer cite a disciplinary proceeding at Stanford they say threatened their daughter’s reputation and plans for the future.
The day before she was found dead in her dorm room, Katie received an email from the university with a six-page letter attached about the disciplinary matter, according to the Meyers and a Stanford official.
“It’s hard to crawl inside the mind of her precisely,’’ Steve Meyer told USA TODAY Sports. “But what I can sort of put together is that she just felt like she failed. She felt like she was going to let everybody down.
“Probably felt she was being canceled, or about to be.’’
The Meyers said they saw no red flags before Katie’s death. Gina Meyer said Katie had been to a therapist and added, "Every player was supposed to see a therapist because of COVID.''
Publicly, Gina and Steve Meyer have spent less time trying to understand Katie’s death than trying to prevent another tragedy. With that in mind, they wear “Katie’s Save’’ bracelets and have passed them out by the thousands, they say.
“Katie’s Save,’’ a nod to their daughter’s ability to stop shots on goal, is the name of the initiative the Meyers have created. It would allow college students the option to choose a designated advocate who would be notified “when the student is involved in challenging circumstances where they may need extra guidance and support.’’
Those situations could include physical injury, emotional or mental health problems, student conduct issues, substance abuse and academic probation. No specific information would be disclosed in the notification to the advocate without additional consent.
The Meyers say that option would have saved their daughter as she went through her disciplinary proceeding. They also said they could provide little more detail about the matter because they are in talks with the university.
“The specifics of her problem probably would have been solved in a week, if that,’’ Steve Meyer said.
On Friday, the Meyers said, they will travel to Stanford with hundreds of the “Katie’s Save’’ wristbands. They’ll be there to watch the team play top-ranked UCLA at Stanford’s second annual Mental Health Awareness game.
Katie was among the players who spearheaded the push for the team’s inaugural Mental Health Awareness game, held Oct. 24, 2021, against Arizona on a rain-soaked field.
Friday's game will be the first the Meyers have attended at Stanford since Katie’s death.
“Not an easy trip for us,’’ Steve Meyer said. “But we feel it’s unacceptable for us to not go and honor Katie and to continue to support her teammates and our fellow Stanford women’s soccer parents.’’
Katie's old jersey number – 19 – will be painted on the field at Laird Q. Cagan Stadium. She will be mentioned during a public address announcement before the game. And Stanford players will have a butterfly patch on their jerseys in honor of Meyer, who had a black-and-white monarch butterfly tattooed on her rib cage and enjoyed doodling butterflies in a notebook.
Sierra Enge, one of the Stanford soccer team’s three captains, posted photos on Instagram in December of herself and Katie in London and referred to Katie as her "best friend and biggest supporter.''
Six days after Katie's death, Enge posted on Instagram again.
"All I can say is thank you,'' Enge wrote, referring to Katie. "Thank you for the time we got to spend together. ... Thank you for sitting out of car windows. Thank you for being afraid to talk to waiters. Thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for being my best friend and biggest supporter. Thank you for being you.''
Enge, who was on Stanford’s team with Katie for four years, said the players also settled on a green butterfly for their patch because of its association with mental health.
“She was really passionate about mental health, so we really feel like we can step in and continue fighting for what she was fighting for,’’ Enge said. “I think it’s been difficult because Katie was such a big part of our team,’’ Enge added. “She was a leader. She was a captain. She was a voice at all times. ... so it’s been hard.”
Stanford is 11-2-1 and ranked ninth in the nation. But earlier this week in a post on Instagram, sophomore reserve forward Andrea Kitahata cited her grief over Katie’s suicide for her decision to leave the team for the rest of the season.
“I’m really proud of how the team’s come together and how they’ve supported each other,’’ Stanford head coach Paul Ratcliffe told USA TODAY Sports. “Everyone involved I think has really come together. But the reality is it’s still really challenging for us and a tough time.”
'Doing what we need'
The Meyers, who have two other daughters, said they are struggling, too. Samantha, 24, is a fifth-grade teacher for the Los Angeles Unified School District and is married. Siena, 15, is a sophomore at Newbury High School and plays for a high-level club soccer team.
Everyone in the family is in therapy, according to Gina Meyer, who also said she is part of a support group of mothers who have lost children to suicide.
"We as a family, we’re doing OK,'' Gina Meyer said. "We’re all doing what we need.''
The COVID-19 pandemic cost Steve Meyer his job as a TV comedy writer and cost Gina Meyer her job as a fitness specialist at Warner Brothers, the Meyers said.
“I was driving Uber eats all over the place during COVID and we were kicking and scratching just to find our way financially,’’ Steve Meyer said.
Then came tragedy.
The Meyers said their therapist told them that losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to a human, and the best they’re going to be able to do is manage it.
Athletes sometimes resist getting help
What has helped, the Meyers said, is their work with “Katie’s Save.’’ They have reached out to several colleges, and school officials at Brown, Pepperdine, Utah and Washington, along with Stanford, confirmed they have been in contact with the Meyers.
"We are currently reviewing the policy recommendations,'' Dee Mostofi, assistant vice president of external communications, said by email.
Pepperdine is hosting an event next week that will include deans of students and vice presidents of student life from various universities across the country, said Sharon Beard, dean of students at Pepperdine. It will offer the Meyers an opportunity to present more about Katie’s Save.
“It was powerful to hear from the Meyers and their proposal for Katie's Save,’’ Beard said of the school’s initial meeting with the Meyers, “and while I believe Pepperdine is already intentional about having multiple layers of support for our students, we are always interested in new ways to further that support, and Katie's Save does just that."
The Meyers also are hoping the NCAA adds the option, along with suicide prevention training, to the organization's best practices.
Brian Hainline, the NCAA's chief medical officer, told USA TODAY Sports via email the initiative may make sense for some athletes and students in general, "but it should not be viewed as a one-size-fits-all approach.'"
"Ultimately,'' Hainline said, "the decision to adopt a policy like Katie’s Save is a local issue that must be decided at the campus level. Some schools have expressed concerns about confidentiality and privacy. These issues and others are currently being discussed by the NCAA’s Mental Health Advisory Group."
In May, the NCAA released a Student-Athlete Well-Being Study based off a fall 2021 survey of nearly 10,000 student-athletes. Among its findings, the study revealed rates of mental exhaustion, anxiety and depression among college athletes have changed little since fall 2020 and remain 1½ to two times higher than identified before the COVID-19 pandemic. The study also found that fewer than half the student-athletes said they would feel comfortable seeking support from a mental health provider on campus.
The issue of college athletes dying by suicide became even more acute when Sarah Shulze, track and cross country runner at Wisconsin, killed herself April 13, and Lauren Bennett, a softball player at James Madison, killed herself April 26. Their deaths and Katie's suicide occurred over eight weeks.
Steve Meyer said highly competitive and high-achieving athletes like his daughter sometimes resist seeking help.
"They don’t necessarily want to reveal a weakness of something going on in their life that isn’t ideal, that is going against the image that they feel their parents or their friends or everybody has of them,'' he said. "And that’s also one of the core tenets of why the Katie’s Save initiative exists, is to protect that type of kid from being left alone and being left unsupported, because not every young person wants to reveal they’re having trouble with their grades or disciplinary action, or whatever.''
The "Katie's Save" initiative developed, the Meyers said, as they began “picking up the breadcrumbs and the kernels and hearing what was happening.’’
The letter
Only after Katie’s death did they learn their daughter was in the middle of a six-month disciplinary proceeding, according to the Meyers. Then there was the email and six-page letter she received the day before she died.
“She actually thought the disciplinary matter was over,'' said attorney Kim Dougherty, whom the Meyers have retained. "She didn’t know that the disciplinary action was even ongoing, and we have evidence and witnesses that will testify to that.''
Mostofi, Stanford's assistant vice president of external communications, addressed the disciplinary matter that involved the Office of Community Standards (OCS).
“The email and letter sent early the evening of February 28 stated that the matter would proceed to a hearing, but made clear that the decision to have her case heard by a panel of peers, faculty and staff did not mean that she had been found responsible for a policy violation,’’ Mostofi told USA TODAY Sports by email.
"While the Stanford community continues to be devastated by Katie Meyer’s death, we strongly disagree that any correspondence from the Office of Community Standards (OCS) brought about her tragic death,'' Mostofi said. "We are unable to share detailed information about confidential student disciplinary matters but can confirm that Katie had been engaged with OCS about this matter for several months.''
The correspondence offered resources, including immediate and around-the-clock support, according to Mostofi.
"In a subsequent exchange that night,'' she said, "Katie made an appointment to discuss this development a few days later with Office of OCS, including with the individual who had been assigned to work with Katie as her advisor throughout the process.’’
The Meyers’ attorney said Stanford mischaracterizes the letter.
“I can assure you the letter used language to the effect of a fair-minded panelist could find beyond a reasonable doubt that a Fundamental Standard violation has occurred,’’ Dougherty told USA TODAY Sports by email. “It also explicitly stated that a degree hold was placed and would be until any sanctions were completed.
“The actual letter also did not include resources or 24-hour support, instead it referenced a support person who could not speak on her behalf buried several pages into the letter. The cover email merely referenced Dean on Call (yet a dean reported the complaint to OCS) and campus resources, yet the OCS department and mental health services were closed when she received the letter.’’
Stanford did not respond to a request from USA TODAY Sports for the letter. Dougherty declined to provide a copy of the letter.
As for the talks between the Meyers and Stanford, neither party would disclose if that includes a possible financial settlement.
What the talks do include is the Meyers' hope that Stanford will adopt the Katie’s Save initiative as part of changes to improve mental health services for all students, according to their attorney. But Katie's parents also know there are limitations.
“Whatever we do can’t bring her back,’’ Gina Meyer said, tearing up.
“Trying to make something positive come out of this horrific tragedy,'' she added. "Something good has to come out of this, right?’’
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Stanford athlete Katie Meyer's suicide leads parents to create project
